Executive Coaching & Leadership Training Blog

The Secret to Staying Stuck

Let’s be honest, we all have to suck it up more than we would like. It’s the nature of living in an imperfect world with other imperfect people. From the daily slights, unresponsive co-workers to annoying meetings, we are all sucking it up on a daily basis.

But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the big things that feel like a heavy blanket that smothers the best parts of ourselves. I see it in my clients when they talk about “sticking it out for another 2 years” or who resign themselves to “keeping their head down” in a toxic system. I think a younger, more impulsive me would have wanted to shake them while quoting Mary Oliver’s The Summer Day. “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Feelings, Values, ReflectionStarla SirenoNovember 12, 2023values, Growth, Feelings, culture

Is it Time to Move on?

Fall always feels bittersweet to me.

I love the stillness of the air, the waning warmth of the sun and the vividness of the trees just before they shed their leaves for the season.

I also feel a slight sadness. Without being fully conscious of it, I notice that this time of year makes me want to shed a few things of my own. Some of what I’m letting go of is small and insignificant. It’s the equivalent of cleaning out my closet.

But other things are more daunting to release - work that had once made me happy but no longer does; relationships that haven’t worked in a long time; and dreams that I have outgrown.

Here’s the thing though, endings are hard. They are full of ‘what-ifs’, ambiguity and sadness. Letting go also takes time. We can’t expect ourselves to have an intellectual knowing and then move straight into action.

Reflection, Personal Growth, PurposeStarla SirenoOctober 4, 2023mindfulness, Personal Growth, decision-making, purpose

A User's Manual to AI: What Executives Need to Know

We know that ChatGPT and AI will radically change the world in ways we can’t even imagine. How we deal with that realization varies from person-to-person.

Personally, I fall into the curious but overwhelmed camp, so I arranged an interview with an expert in Generative AI. Let me introduce you to Dominik Heinrich, former client and now creative collaborator. Dominik is a global leader in innovation design and has been a trailblazer in generative AI.

What follows is an interview not so much about the global implications, but more about how people like you, busy executives with limited time, can begin to use AI to leverage their time and their strengths.

Ever Feel Like You Deserve To Be Treated Better?

Let’s talk about you. How are you being excluded, overlooked or under-valued?
Recently, clients have shared some of the ways that they’ve felt left out or overlooked. Relate to any?

What to Do When Your Career Has Stalled

Clients come to coaching to become better leaders. Most imagine our work together centering on models, assessments, and tactics. In the early days of our coaching relationship, they come to our meetings with some version of:
“Tell me what to do.”

Quick Way to Orient Yourself to 2023

I've never been a resolution person. They always struck me as a great way to disappoint myself. For many years, I chose a theme word. That worked. But this year, I couldn't even muster a word. Maybe it's that this year feels…uncertain.

The 4 Most Common Regrets and How to Get Past Them

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain

Do Emotions Belong in the Workplace?

If you’re like many leaders, your answer might be influenced by an incident.

Maybe you witnessed it - someone losing it - crying, raging or reacting in a regrettable manner. Even worse, maybe it was you who lost it. It may have been yesterday or 10 years ago, but it was enough to make you vow, consciously or not, to check your emotions at the door.

The Comparison Trap

If yoga feels like a competitive sport, it might be a clue that you're missing the point.

Snack-Sized Coaching

My new t-shirt says: I’m not for everyone. I bought this t-shirt as a reminder that, if the goal is to “be for everyone,” then I am probably watering down who I am. How often am I trying to make it easy for other people by not sharing a strong opinion, an expectation or a preference? This shirt reminds me that it’s ok not to be chosen. It doesn’t mean that the sting of rejection doesn’t hurt, but it’s a whole lot easier than trying to fit into something that I probably never really wanted anyways. How about you? In what areas of your life are you trying too hard to “be for everyone”? What are you giving up by not fully expressing yourself?

Highlights and Insights

How often do we move through our lives tending to one thing then the next without pausing to reflect on what it meant to us? It may not be until we share the moment with someone else and see their response to it that we realize that our life, in its seeming regularity, is actually worth paying attention to.

How to be a Better Thought Partner

* This is a special newsletter. It was co-written with one of my clients. A few weeks ago, I got off a Zoom with Matt (of course, not his real name), and wrote this piece as a follow-up to our conversation highlighting what I heard and what I didn’t say to him. Later that day, I handed it off to him asking for his input. Hmmm...just now seeing how meta this is – working with a thought partner to write about thought partnership. Anyways, here is our co-creation. (Thanks ‘Matt’ – you inspire me with your curiosity, awareness and commitment to becoming a better human being.)

Answering The Question That Has Fueled The Self-Help Industry

I told one of my first coaches that I wanted to ‘reach my potential’ and in her characteristic bluntness, she said that sounded ambitious. I didn’t like her response. Ambitious or not, I wanted to unlock my stuckness. I was tired of myself and of the same situations happening to me over and over again.

I also wanted something that would accelerate my growth. I wanted to see what exactly I was capable of.

The Least Inspiring Advice You’ll Ever Hear

“There will always be people who are smarter and more talented than you are.”

In terms of parental pep talks, this isn’t the stuff of inspiration. My mom first said this to me when I was in junior high and feeling ‘less than.’ She could have taken a lot of angles to soothe her frizzy haired, slightly odd daughter, but instead she chose clear-eyed honesty that didn’t do much for me in the moment, but has come to serve as somewhat of a mantra for me…

There’s Nothing You Can Do About It

A friend of mine works for a Wall Street firm. As a result of Covid, she has been able to work in a satellite office rather than schlepping into NYC. Besides lessening her commute by 2+ hours each day, she was also enjoying the more casual surroundings and dress code. She was thrilled that this was going to continue until sometime in 2022. Last weekend she told me that changed almost overnight. In a matter of weeks, they are expected to be back in the NYC office. She’s not one to complain, but the suddenness of the decision threw her. Inherent in her reaction was a feeling of powerlessness. There is nothing she can do to change the outcome.

The Next Chapter

I like the idea that our lives are made up of chapters, rather than a continuum of events. It resonates with me, especially now as we inch our way out of the Covid chapter, at least here in the US. As this chapter begins to close, I’ve been reflecting on my life over the past year. How have I grown? What have I learned? What do I want this next chapter to be?

The Conversation You're Avoiding

I love sleeping. Or at least I used to. Lately though, I’ve been waking up around midnight and laying there ruminating. It’s a great word, isn’t it? Like a cow that keeps chewing its cud over and over again, I lay there in the dark endlessly dissecting this thing that’s been bothering me. I know, I know. Not productive, but it’s like eating a bag of Cheetos. I know it’s not good for me and I’ll regret it later, but I can’t stop…

Living in the In-Between

“Liminal space... It is where we are betwixt and between, having left one room or stage of life but not yet entered the next. We usually enter liminal space when our former way of being is challenged or changed—perhaps when we lose a job or a loved one, during illness, at the birth of a child, or a major relocation. It is a graced time, but often does not feel “graced” in any way. In such space, we are not certain or in control.”

Leadership Has Never Felt Lonelier

One of my clients, Jennifer, is alternately referred to as Wonder Woman and a Force of Nature by her team. After less than a minute of small talk during this week’s coaching conversation, it was clear that Jennifer was struggling with something.

The Hardest Thing You Need To Be Doing

A few weeks ago, I facilitated a conversation between the CEO and the CTO of a tech company. The CEO, like many tech founders, is also the Head of Product. He’s a visionary for more, better, faster. He is always pushing. The CTO, on the other hand, knows what goes into each iteration and wants to protect his team. He often finds himself pushing back.

Both wanted to know how they could minimize the tension between them.

And you know what? I fell for it…

Stay Informed

Get in touch

About

Twitter